Hello!
You lucky, lucky web-surfer! You have somehow stumbled across my completely random blog. Although, I would like to think of it more-so as fate bringing you into my oh-so-charmed life. Maybe the higher power has felt a need to bring my meaningless life-experiences in your life for some unknown purpose. Maybe you will read my stories and find some sense of inner peace or prosperity. Maybe you will find a new calling in life! Maybe you will fall helplessly in love with me and wind up stalking me night and day. Whatever the reason, it matters no more....YOU HAVE ARRIVED!!! WELCOME!!!
I have to give ample warning that my life is anything but exciting. I spend my days either lounging around, doing what I please or staring at a computer dutifully editing wedding photos. I have to confess...Sometimes both at the same time. There are few surprises in my life, and when they DO happen...they are BIG.
When life hands me lemons...I cry.
I don't make lemonaide because It usually cramps up my hands and irritates my carpal tunnel syndrome. I can't stand the hand pain, so I would rather just just not make the lemonaide and put the lovely yellow fruit on a platter and stare at it's sunshiney splendor.
Aside from the randomeness of the lemon analogy...I should move on to a little bit about myself. The personal stuff. The nitty-gritty, dirty facts about my fantastic self.
First off, My face is ever so handsome. It looks as if it were carved from the finest of flesh-toned marble and smoothed over by the very hand of God. There is not a blemish to be seen. My eyes are blue, and extremely intense. People can stare into them for hours...entranced...As If I have some vampiric powers. Which I do.
My teeth are straight and white. They actually sparkle. I have turned down several colgate and crest commercials (not to mention the less famous AIM offers) for fear of the obscene public attention I would receive.
My hair is the color of Chocolate and as soft as silk. People are constantly petting me as if I were some sort of lap dog. It's an incredible feeling actually...to know what the life of a Pomeranian might be like. The fabulosity of my hair, eyes, skin and overall BEAUTY is magnanimous!!!
That was a joke. Hopefully, you understand that I said all of that in jest. I am just a regular person. With regular hair and regular eyes. I have regular skin that occassionally breaks out and gets oily. What can I say...My sebum production gets a little crazy and I have to switch cleansers! I'm only human!
I am in my late (I am actually quite punctual, so I find this slightly offensive) twenties and haven't had much life experience. I have always been quite attached to my family. I currently reside in the same home as my mother. I get a lot of Norman Bates references aimed at me all the time, but I shrug them off. I would never stuff my mother and put her in a rocking chair! That would involve FAR too much hard work and I have absolutly zero taxidermy skills required for something of that nature. I love my mother, but I don't love her enough to wear her clothes and become her. Sorry mom.
I work in Photo editing. The great part about this is that I do everything from home. My bedroom has become my own personal LAIR. Almost like my own Bat cave. My own fortress of Solitude. My own private Idaho! The only downside is that It's quite small, lacks gadgets and weaponry, has no crystal decorum or holographic father in it, and definitely has no male-prostituting Keanu Reeves hanging about. DAMN!
The editing is fun. I get to stare at happy couples getting married and help make them look pretty. For some reason, seeing this exuberant joy all the time has somehow managed to make me feel even less special. I always feel special though. Short-Bus special. The kind of special that needs training wheels and possibly suspenders.
Anyhoo, work is not my forte. I was meant to be a leige of some sort and I feel cheated in this life that people expect it from me. I know, in my previous existances, I was handfed grapes and fanned by servants and never, ever lifted a finger for work-purposes. I know that I was highly doted upon and looked after by all those who loved me.
There are many little factoids about myself that you will come to learn, slowly, over a period of time that I cannot give approximations to. Hopefully, you will grow to love and adore me...if not, that's too bad. I am very loveable. I am like a teddy bear minus the claws and sharp teeth. So, give me a hug and know with certainty that you won't have your spine yanked out or your face chewed off. I'm not that kind of bear.
To be continued...
You lucky, lucky web-surfer! You have somehow stumbled across my completely random blog. Although, I would like to think of it more-so as fate bringing you into my oh-so-charmed life. Maybe the higher power has felt a need to bring my meaningless life-experiences in your life for some unknown purpose. Maybe you will read my stories and find some sense of inner peace or prosperity. Maybe you will find a new calling in life! Maybe you will fall helplessly in love with me and wind up stalking me night and day. Whatever the reason, it matters no more....YOU HAVE ARRIVED!!! WELCOME!!!
I have to give ample warning that my life is anything but exciting. I spend my days either lounging around, doing what I please or staring at a computer dutifully editing wedding photos. I have to confess...Sometimes both at the same time. There are few surprises in my life, and when they DO happen...they are BIG.
When life hands me lemons...I cry.
I don't make lemonaide because It usually cramps up my hands and irritates my carpal tunnel syndrome. I can't stand the hand pain, so I would rather just just not make the lemonaide and put the lovely yellow fruit on a platter and stare at it's sunshiney splendor.
Aside from the randomeness of the lemon analogy...I should move on to a little bit about myself. The personal stuff. The nitty-gritty, dirty facts about my fantastic self.
First off, My face is ever so handsome. It looks as if it were carved from the finest of flesh-toned marble and smoothed over by the very hand of God. There is not a blemish to be seen. My eyes are blue, and extremely intense. People can stare into them for hours...entranced...As If I have some vampiric powers. Which I do.
My teeth are straight and white. They actually sparkle. I have turned down several colgate and crest commercials (not to mention the less famous AIM offers) for fear of the obscene public attention I would receive.
My hair is the color of Chocolate and as soft as silk. People are constantly petting me as if I were some sort of lap dog. It's an incredible feeling actually...to know what the life of a Pomeranian might be like. The fabulosity of my hair, eyes, skin and overall BEAUTY is magnanimous!!!
That was a joke. Hopefully, you understand that I said all of that in jest. I am just a regular person. With regular hair and regular eyes. I have regular skin that occassionally breaks out and gets oily. What can I say...My sebum production gets a little crazy and I have to switch cleansers! I'm only human!
I am in my late (I am actually quite punctual, so I find this slightly offensive) twenties and haven't had much life experience. I have always been quite attached to my family. I currently reside in the same home as my mother. I get a lot of Norman Bates references aimed at me all the time, but I shrug them off. I would never stuff my mother and put her in a rocking chair! That would involve FAR too much hard work and I have absolutly zero taxidermy skills required for something of that nature. I love my mother, but I don't love her enough to wear her clothes and become her. Sorry mom.
I work in Photo editing. The great part about this is that I do everything from home. My bedroom has become my own personal LAIR. Almost like my own Bat cave. My own fortress of Solitude. My own private Idaho! The only downside is that It's quite small, lacks gadgets and weaponry, has no crystal decorum or holographic father in it, and definitely has no male-prostituting Keanu Reeves hanging about. DAMN!
The editing is fun. I get to stare at happy couples getting married and help make them look pretty. For some reason, seeing this exuberant joy all the time has somehow managed to make me feel even less special. I always feel special though. Short-Bus special. The kind of special that needs training wheels and possibly suspenders.
Anyhoo, work is not my forte. I was meant to be a leige of some sort and I feel cheated in this life that people expect it from me. I know, in my previous existances, I was handfed grapes and fanned by servants and never, ever lifted a finger for work-purposes. I know that I was highly doted upon and looked after by all those who loved me.
There are many little factoids about myself that you will come to learn, slowly, over a period of time that I cannot give approximations to. Hopefully, you will grow to love and adore me...if not, that's too bad. I am very loveable. I am like a teddy bear minus the claws and sharp teeth. So, give me a hug and know with certainty that you won't have your spine yanked out or your face chewed off. I'm not that kind of bear.
To be continued...
No comments:
Post a Comment