I saw my reflection tonight in the glass of a window while I was standing on my deck waiting for my dogs to do there business and noticed how large and unsightly my ears are. Not just the lobes but the entire ears themselves.
They are quite Dumbo-like in size. I actually gasped when I saw myself. I feel as if I have the capabilities to actually flap them and fly away.
I am beginning to notice more and more physical flaws that I (in a fantasy world where there were no risks of turning out like MJ or Priscilla Presley) would like corrected.
Isn't it crazy when you realize that you have reached a point in your life where your skin isn't as vibrant or tight as it once was? Your eyes start to sag and puff up and you always look tired and hung over. Sometimes I fear winding up looking like Benicio Del Torro, with massive dark circles and lines racing under my eyes. GASP! The thought actually gives me chills.
I can't believe I have wrinkles near my eye corners and you can't even begin to understand how many HUNDREDS of gray hairs I have littering my once vibrantly chocolate-brown head of hair.
That isn't arrogance speaking...I actually used a tool in a salon once that matched up my hair color to a shade called, "Vibrant Chocolate".
The grays don't bother me as much as the fact that my hair now falls out in giant clumps. You know it's bad when it's in clumps!
This fact is soothed by my constant mental chanting of "you have no bald family members...you will be fine!" but subconciously I am aware of the fact that most men gradually lose there hair at some point or another.
I think the hair falling out issue freaks me out because I am short. I do not want to wind up looking like George Costanza. I think short AND bald is a double whammy against a guy in the world.
So, I unabashedly purchase luxury shampoos and conditioners from Sephora.
Phyto, Fredderik Fekkai, Rene Furterer, Ojon...I have um' all! Will they save my head of hair...who knows!!? Probably not!
Isnt it insane how these trivial concerns even bother me??? Whatever happened to aging gracefully? Why can't I be graceful? Why must I be so addicted to trying to stay young? It's not as if I am good-looking? It's not like I have anything INTERESTING to maintain? I am not arrogant or cocky...I am not a metrosexual in terms of the way I dress or appear out in public. I take a normal 20 minutes to get ready. Sure, I have worn man-bronzer from time to time...is that a crime?!?!
THERE AIN'T NO SHAME...IN MY GAME!!
I think getting older sucks. A lot of people are super content with the age they are at...but for me, I wish I was 16 again.
Not many people would want to be in high school again...and I have to admit, I had a rough time during high school. I can't even tell you how many times I was slammed into lockers and called a faggot. Hell, I was a poster child for verbal abuse...but, I would trade everything to go back and live it over again. I would want to change so much! I would live it up! I would party! I would dance! I would do EVERYTHING that I didn't do because I was too shy or too worried about what people would think of me. I realize now that no one REALLY cares what you do. Sure, they can talk about you or call you names...but it doesn't matter. When it's over, you never see those people again and you never think twice about them.
Oh well...I wish I was younger and I am sad that I am getting older. I will try to age with more acceptance, but I can't promise that an eye lift isn't on the horizon.
Oh, and I'm getting my boobs done too.
I will chat more on this topic soon...Right now...I have to let the puppy out!!!
Love ya lots!
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